A Wish to Grab Happiness

Volume 7, Chapter 139: The Holy Maiden and Her Emotions

「Yes, of course…It is impossible for me to choose otherwise. 」

Ariene whispered through her pale lips.

Even though her voice sounded unmistakably benevolent, it exuded a distorted color as if she were mocking the other person. Even Ariene herself did not know why such a complex colored voice came out of her mouth.

Still, Ariene shook her lips while showing a happy expression.

「It will not be a punishment if we just try to tighten the sinner’s neck. Therefore, we must keep him alive until the end so that we can understand his foolishness. That will be his punishment. After he pays for everything, I will give salvation to his soul.」

Ariene spoke smoothly while picking up those lines in a careful manner.

「Our God will give salvation to the sinner…Of course, there is a price to pay.」

Ariene’s voice resonated in the drawing room like a song. A beautiful, yet memorable voice. Her voice was one of the reasons why Ariene was known as the Songstress.

When Ariene closed her lips, she blinked her golden eyes and turned her gaze to the person in front of her…Caria Burdnick.

Caria lifted her lips and smiled gracefully. However, Ariene noticed there was something behind her gracious smile. Apparently, her words were a little different from what she wanted. Well, Ariene felt that some of her shared feelings were somewhat reversed.

“Anyway. Caria said she came with Filaret La Volgograd to Belfein as they chased Lugis’ shadow.”

“I see. Apart from the truth of the matter, it seems the world recognizes Lugis as the one who caused the fall of the walled-city of Garoua Maria. If so, of course, resentment will be born, attachment will breathe, and revenge will sprout.” Ariene also had a deep understanding of the situation.

“Moreover, it is not uncommon for them to come to Belfein to satisfy their grudges and attachments. Human emotions gives power for the legs to move forward, even if they sometimes trample on common sense. That’s also a fact.”

“However, a part of me was not honestly convinced when I said that the teachings of the Great Holy Church was to forgive and give salvation.”

“Why did I throw such words at them?”

Ariene shook her lips a little. She felt her own blood spinning in her body with a slight feverish heat. “I see. I feel uncomfortable with the feelings they have for Lugis.”

Ariene felt it was okay to hate Lugis for his deeds. It was okay to have hostility, prejudice, discrimination, or even have it all combined.

Ariene felt that she was the only one to take Lugis’ hand. Even if the world tried to cast him away, only Ariene would take his hand. For Ariene, the whole world could hate Lugis, but she would be the only one to provide him with the much-needed salvation.

“Still, it feels unpleasant.”

Ariene didn’t like Caria and Filaret’s obsession for Lugis. They belonged to the upper class, and yet, they traveled to Belfein in order to search for someone deprived as Lugis.

Ariene believed there was no positive or negative emotions. There were only directions and criteria such as the strong or weak. People just gave it a wide variety of names without knowing the real meaning.

“These women in front of me, at least the girl named Caria, has undoubtedly a strong feeling resembling an iron chain towards Lugis. When talking about Lugis, the verses of her words and the sparkle in her silver eyes made me realize that.”

Ariene did not like it at all. It was acceptable to be hostile or feel hate. However, the obsession that emoted from her feelings was unacceptable.

Unknowingly, Ariene understood that she was quite greedy herself. Apparently, she could not accept that Lugis had a strong attachment to someone else. Ariene smiled ironically in her heart. She felt that she had a complex and troublesome nature.

However, Ariene knew that it was not possible to express those feelings in an explicit manner right now. Because she came here as a candidate to be the Saint of the Great Holy Church. Ariene’s golden hair shuddered slightly, even though there was no wind in the drawing room.

「…Anyway. Basically it is, “accept the outstretched hand and give salvation”. That is the way of the Great Holy Church.」

Ariene’s cheeks swayed unknowingly while looking at Caria and Filaret. Her lips opened again as if she were about to sing. Ariene’s hidden ugliness took advantage of her following words.

「By the way, you two…You are nothing more than just strangers to Lugis. If you accumulate such thoughts into your hearts, it will only make you both sinful.」

“So, wouldn’t it be better for you two to forget such obsession with a peace of mind?” While putting such meaning into words, Ariene’s golden eyes glittered in the room.

Ariene’s words, facial expressions, and even attitudes, were that of an unmistakable Saint. Seen from the outside, Ariene behaved like a holy maiden who voiced her faith with a compassionate heart.

Ariene maintained her dignified stance even if her emotions that were not very sacred swirled in her chest.

—

“So, Lugis. Are you not going to apologize? Ask for forgiveness. To me, right now.”

The moment she professed those words out of her lips. Matia knew that her heart was pounding fast. At the same time, Matia felt upset about herself. She was shocked to know that her current words must have been her true intentions. Every single feeling transformed into strong palpitations that spread throughout her body.

Matia’s eyes were somewhat slightly frightened, and she kept looking at Lugis. “What will he say? Will he laugh in dismay, or will he give me a despised look?” When Matia thought about it, her heart rang intensely.

“I hate this. I hate being disliked. I never thought about such a thing before.”

“Why is this happening to me?” Matia could not freely shake her emotions away. Matia was someone who always thought about her role, her calculating persona and her ambitions as Saint. However, she never really thought about her personality, what she looked like, what she liked generally, and so on. Such a thing did not exist in Matia’s heart. Matia, the Saint, only had the concept of an individual when she was a child.

Nonetheless. She was now afraid of being rejected. She gritted her teeth in an anxiously way. Even the cracking sound echoed in her mouth. She was surprised at herself. Matia herself never thought that one day these feelings would make her feel scared and disgusted at the same time.

Lugis stepped back as if Matia’s advance pressured him. Then, he stroked his chin.

There was silence for a while. A blank space of time covered the room in the cheap brothel. Lugis threw some words amid the tension. Matia almost held her breath.

「…Sorry. I understand that it was a dangerous place. Okay, I will be more careful next time. But, I can’t swear that I won’t do it anymore.」

Lugis felt a little sorry it seemed. His eyes completely diverted from Matia’s gaze, as if he were a child reprimanded by a teacher. Matia naturally exasperated in her head.

Her eyes swayed unconsciously.

「…Certainly not. I told you to do it in a wholeheartedly way, didn’t I? Okay, one more time.」

Lugis took advantage of the gap by apologizing in a carefree manner, but Matia’s words intercepted him. Lugis raised his hands as if he felt anxious and apologized to Matia again. Yes, to her again.

“Yes, that’s fine, Lugis. That is the way to make you and myself happy.”

Matia forcibly tightened her cheeks, which were about to move in a funny way. She did not want to show a ridiculous expression. Even more now, since Lugis stood in front of her.

Nevertheless, how could she stop her cheeks from having a lot of heat? How could she stop the melting process from the joy that filled her heart?

“This is fine for now. Yes, it is enough. I am sure that he, Lugis, apologized with a light feeling. But he did say it and obeyed me.”

“…Yes, now he will remember my face every time he steps into danger and every time he throws himself in a dishonorable way.”

Even if Lugis felt her annoying, he would still remember apologizing to her. Every time he repeated a dangerous thing, Matia would continue to do the same. Imprint a proper behavior on his consciousness.

Indeed. Matia realized that every time he took action, eventually, her existence would become like a shackle that could bind him to his place.

“In the end, Lugis will always look at my complexion and will become a person who can only move under my control. I will make sure that happens. Oh, how sweet it is. Just by imagining this, my heart seems to burn on its own.”

Matia’s eyes were full of fever and sparkle emotions. At the edge of her field of vision, Matia saw Bruder trying to open his mouth.

On this very moment…

*knock knock*

The sound of a visitor knocking on the door echoed into the creaking room.